The first date has arrived! We are getting ready for the meeting with optimism, hoping that our soulmate is waiting for us, and suddenly we feel anxious. Will we perform well, won’t the meeting be a waste of time and disappointment or simply – won’t stage fright and awkward silence fall? And so? What is it like? What should we talk about in order to feel comfortable in our own skin and at the same time not to discourage the other person? Here are some tips to make this day special.
If a person on a date has caught your eye, follow the principle of authenticity. Don’t change your manner of speaking, accent, or style of dressing, don’t present a false image, and address topics that you like and feel good about. Yes, talking about the intricacies of Hindu philosophy or alternative filmmaking may make you appear sophisticated and original, but it will also make the meeting stiff and awkward and it will be hard for you to get off the pedestal you’ve created
You’ll come off much better if you say that yes, you’re taking a dance course, but you’re not really a dance master, because you’ve been taking classes for only 3 months, but you’re doing well and you’d like to show some tricks on subsequent dates. Such an approach will bring looseness between you, show that you have a distance to yourself, and also open up the possibility for you to enjoy your acquaintance in the long run and test the other party if he or she is sincerely interested in you. With this approach, you will enrich your life with a relationship based on honesty, trust and shared values.
Remember: be yourself, but don’t scare the other person off. One step at a time, not too fast! Focus on the positive sides of your life, avoid topics that could be misunderstood or misconstrued at this stage. The first of these things are your love conquests, shorter acquaintances and longer relationships. Dating is not the place to pour out your regrets about exes, work out the reason for the breakup or analyze your emotional life step by step. This topic belongs to your past and let it stay there. Also, the number of partners is not a good topic for starting a friendship and building a new relationship.
Topics that should also not surface on first dates are your weird family stories, illnesses, worries and traumas. There’s no need to talk about the parent who abandoned you as a child, your parents’ failed marriage, or any family member’s addictions. The same goes for your fears. It’s better to leave the knowledge about these things for someone you already know well and can trust to share your own secrets freely. The time of first dates should be a time of fun, looseness and joy. If we have some visible beauty defect, we can refer to it in a few sentences, but with distance, without making a case, entering the role of victim and martyr. A date is not a visit to a psychotherapist
In addition to the obvious of presenting yourself in a good light, it’s also important to actively show that the other party is also curious and interested in you. You can’t just focus on yourself and your own needs. It is important to be understanding. It is a good tone to nod and actively listen, while at the same time referring back to what the other person has mentioned. A deliberate response in conversation is both a show of respect and interest in the other party.
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